THE REAL SOARING PILOT

... but our view (as opposed to the Dunhill/Jude Law view)

THE REAL SOARING PILOT
A definition of a Real Soaring Pilot has emerged, thus providing us with a standard towards which the next generation of soaring pilots can progress, and perhaps bring back the era of heroism and mystique, when one flew solo in a simple primary on the very first flight and wimps disappeared forever after their first launch.
A Real Soaring Pilot only flies cross-country. Scratching around the home airfield is not for him, and the sweaty hard grip on the stick or brilliant remarks to the lady in the front seat are left up to the wimps. A Real Soaring Pilot flies solo on long cross-country flights, preferably over unlandable terrain, and returns hours after the wimps have tied down and gone home. If he has an evening engagement he’ll simply fly faster, or settle for 300 km that day The Real Soaring Pilot rarely flies less than 300 km except during contests, when a wimpy Contest Director has laid out a shorter task. He will not fly in bad weather unless he can fly in clouds. Not just any clouds: Real Clouds with ice, turbulence, and thunder. No wimps there.
His sailplane
First of all, he never flies a motorglider. He also avoids forgiving types like the Schweizers, preferring character-builders like the ASW-12 and the Standard Cirrus (not just any Cirrus mind you, it has to be one of the early models with the pendulum elevator and no feel). Other sailplanes acceptable to a Real Soaring Pilot are the Nimbus 3, LS-3 (but not LS-1 as there’s inadequate room for him to flex his muscles), ASW-20, and most vintage types. If he has borrowed the Grunau Baby, he loves to out climb the wimp flying an LS-4. He is rarely heard on the radio. A Real Soaring Pilot has short tows, and climbs swiftly in tight turns whether or not the thermals are strong. If he misses, he’ll be back on the ground before the tow plane, and runs to his car to get a second barograph while claiming record-setting soaring conditions. When he returns from a task, it is never with waste excess altitude. Silly computers are for wimps, a Real Soaring Pilot will only use one if he has built it himself (see “his profession”). Otherwise, all he needs is an old PZL with a home-made MacCready ring. No yaw string; he is always coordinated. Actually, with his sensitive feel and great experience, he does not need any instruments at all. No relief tube is needed; he can hold it until he lands.
His appearance
A Real Soaring Pilot smells of sneakers. No cologne. He never wears a jumpsuit with sewn-on club patches all over; he leaves that to the Air Force types or former Air Cadets. He does not change his clothes before he flies; his everyday jeans and T-shirt are quite sufficient for the simple task at hand, although he may add a windbreaker if he plans to fly above 25,000 feet. His hat commands special attention and respect. It was white once before many years of sweat and grime accumulated on it. A Gold C with three Diamonds is, at times, casually pinned on at some random spot. A Real Soaring Pilot frequently sports a beard of the stiff and rugged type. His favourite movies The Thomas Crown Affair, Airplane, Dawn Flight, and Goofy’s Glider.
His profession
He is not likely to be a physician (not enough time), a lawyer (too much risk), an airline pilot (too conservative), or a banker (way too conservative). Most likely, he will be an engineer, as this profession seems to attract the eccentric types with the necessary personality traits of the Real Soaring Pilot. At parties, here we will find the Real Soaring Pilot in a small group where the results from the 1931 Nationals are discussed, along with winch maintenance and Pratt-Read restoration. The Real Soaring Pilot holds a bottle of Molson Dry the way he holds his stick. When the music starts, he’ll dance with Real Women and other men’s wives. Afterwards, if he can’t find his tent or camper, he’ll sleep in the cockpit of any available Real Sailplane. In competition you will find the Real Soaring Pilot high up on the score sheet. You can also recognize him by his flying technique. He always takes off with full water tanks, retracts his wheel so the gear doors brush the runway, and flies the course by himself. Leeches are promptly led into strong sink. His finishes are described by the wimps as “worm-burners” and dangerous, but they are actually precisely calculated manoeuvres performed with great proficiency. On impossible days, he will finally drift in to finish near 7:30 pm, about the same time the wimps are hosing the mud out of their wheel wells.
Finally, the Real Soaring Pilot can be recognized by the quality of his crew (that is, if he has any at all!). These are Real Men or Real Women who hold up a wing tip without complaint, and will have cold beer ready for our Real Pilot as he rolls to a stop.


(I wish)

EY/EX